Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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