He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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