If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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