i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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