is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We left the knife in your bed.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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