Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
