so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize