girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
