sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
