its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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