its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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