I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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