i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
