he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
