her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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