Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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