This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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