i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
