How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
