Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
