Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
