well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
