i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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