u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
