guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
