I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
