i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
