make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
