He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
