After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize