we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
