Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
