I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
