Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
