I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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