Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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