Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
