Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
