I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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