My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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