Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize