life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
