Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
