so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
