Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
