just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
