Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I deserve this hangover.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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