I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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