I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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