It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
