i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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