Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize