I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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