Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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