last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize