so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize