i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
