stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
