His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
