I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
