I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
