i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
