i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
