I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
