I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
So here I am, sexting at work.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
