Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
