You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
