She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize