3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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