Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
