i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
