not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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