This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
