if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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