ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
