so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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