please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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