Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
