My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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