Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
