Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
