Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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